Living Word Bible Chapel has found a way to use every translation of the Bible at one time during Sunday morning services, a key way of connecting with the broad range of generations in attendance. “We call it the scripture translation service,” shared Pastor Ronny Steggles. “The Bible is relevant to people where they are, and I believe serving up a wide variety of Bible translations is the best way to do this. “

The translation team lines a box next to the sound booth in the back of the sanctuary, each with a different version of the Bible at his/her finger tips. As people enter the sanctuary, they pick up head phones, plug them into a jack in the pew, and then turn a dial to the translation of choice.

“I totally love the translator who reads The Message during the service,” commented Pastor Steggles teenage daughter, Jeanie. “I like using slang and when I IM my friends we use hyphens all of the time, like if a boy is super-hot or a girl is a stupid-plain-faced-dork. So the Message, with its hip phrases and over-reliance-on-hypens, really relates to me.”

Ann Pewter prefers the New Living Translation. “I sometimes have a hard time following the sermon, but then I hear the New Living Translation version of the scripture passage we’re studying and it’s as if I’m hearing the voice of God inside my head. Of course it’s really just the translator speaking into my head phones.”

Not everyone in the church enjoys the benefits of the translation service. Long time NIV supporter Mildred Stickler refuses to sample another translation through the headphones. “It’s one thing to toss aside the King James Version, I mean, that really isn’t English anyway. But once people start playing with all these versions of the Bible, there’s no telling what people are going to make the Bible say. Now that we have the NIV there is no reason to play Biblical potpourri.”

Though Living Word Bible Chapel provides a wide variety of translations—NIV, KJV, NKJV, NASB, NAS, RSV, NRSV, and ESV—there are a few that have not made the cut. “I read on a web site somewhere that the TNIV is trying to feminize God,” said Pastor Steggles. “That is simply unbiblical. We can’t have that, and I refuse to endorse any translation that attempts a gender change of God.”

As it stands, the program has been a tremendous success with 60% of attendees citing the scripture translation program as their number one reason for attending on Sunday morning. “It’s so nice to hear the Bible in words you understand,” shared Jeanie Steggles. “I think this makes our church really nice to visit. We accommodate everyone, except for those bad feminists who wrote the TNIV.”

A doughy breakfast bar with a grape filling, the bar is modeled on the last supper Jesus shared with his disciples. This meal, involving the breaking of bread and the drinking of wine, is enacted by some Christians once a week and by others once a month with wafers or bread and sometimes with wine or grape juice.

“This breakfast bar is the perfect snack for busy Christians on the go who need more time in the morning for Bible study and prayer,” commented Seth Fillings, the CEO of Sunshine Foods. “They can just grab a bar, break it, and have a ‘holy wholesome snack,’ as we like to say.”

A market analysis of local pastors has yielded positive results thus far. John Thompson, pastor of Western Mountain View Christian Center in Colorado Springs, received a case of the Incarnation bars. “My kids loved them, but got a little carried away with the breaking of the bread bit. They made a real mess of my car on their way to school.”

Fillings’ vision for the Incarnation bar goes beyond breakfast. “There are thousands of churches with volunteers spending countless hours on communion preparation. They have to purchase bread, break it, pour the wine or juice, and then clean everything afterwards. Now consider this: Incarnation bars are passed out in a few minutes and the wrappers are just tossed in the trash. Think of all the good these people can do when they are freed from preparing and cleaning up communion.”

The vision for the Incarnation bars is immense at this point. “I’d love to also partner this bar with a bestselling Christian inspirational book,” shared Fillings. Though he has approached several popular church leaders about endorsing the bars, no deals have been inked so far.

Incarnation bars will be available in grocery stores and in elect churches this summer.

Take It Personal Days

From time to time conflicts may threaten the strategic effectiveness of the staffing resources. Should team members become entangled in such an inconvenient circumstance we offer “Take It Personal Days.” Implementing time away from the source of conflict will sufficiently diffuse all unwanted repurcussions from internal team member dissatisfaction.

Since insults and offenses typically proceed from the top of the strategic leadership paradigm, the following scale will be utilized in distributing “take it personal days”:

Executives: one day
Managers: two days
Engineers: three days
Marketing staff: three days
Accounting staff: four days
Clerks, secretaries, mail room: five days

Such a structure will create a healthy office family and will diffuse all undesired conflict while enabling executives and managers to justify demeaning and unjust treatment of team members. We believe that “Take It Personal Days” are the most efficient way to strategically eliminate employee dissatisfaction while maintaining existing paradigms and practices.

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