Humor

Living in Vermont, From the October Newsletter

If you already receive my newsletter, then you’ve had a chance to read the list of changes in my life since moving to Vermont. For those who have not yet seen it, I’m republishing it below along with a few additions at the end. If you enjoy what you read, you can sign up for my online newsletter by e-mailing me: edcyzewski (at) gmail (dot) com.

Two Years in Vermont
I grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia, but marriage to a Vermont girl has pulled me out of my native habitat and into the quiet, but cheerful world of New England. After living in Vermont for two years, I have noticed a number of changes in my life. Here are just a few of them:

- I am now the most aggressive driver on the road.
- I am starting to wonder what it would be like to drive a snow mobile.
- I am growing more and more fond of Democrats and less so of Republicans.
- Killing deer seems like a great idea for a good time.
- I am bored with the way I predictably pronounce my “a’s” correctly.
- Poisoning mice is part of a regular evening at home.
- My laundry room always smells of decaying mice.
- I actually paid full price for a pair of Birkenstocks.
- Sometimes I wear socks with my Birkenstocks.
- My red car always looks gray because we live on a dirt road.
- I never wash my car from April through December because we live on a dirt road.
- I learned all kinds of stuff about raising and killing chickens from local farmers.
- Going to church can be theologically horrifying.
- I lust after wood stoves.
- I have an inexplicable urge to tap every maple tree I see.
- I am nurturing a grudge toward big box stores even if I still shop at them.
- The phrase “night life” means wild animals prowling in the evening.

And the bonus material:
- “Pitchin’ it out back” is a viable way of removing garbage.
- I know what “clogging” is.
- I check for energy efficient bulbs in public places.
- “Going Out” will at best involve a pot luck dinner.

© 2007 Ed Cyzewski: Freelance Writer.